The me I want to be
Lately, I have been so out of my mind. Not like “Crazy, Insane” out of my mind, but just sad…
I have felt so inconfident not only with my appearance but with my personality.
I don’t know who I am, or who I want to be. All I know is that I want to be happy again, but I can’t figure out exactly how to do that.
Part of me (Well, Most of me) wants to be the best person I can possibly be. I want to be nicer, and more mature. I want to stop being so negative to myself, and to others. I want to become a better christian and i want to show God that I love him.
Yet the other half of me is just the opposite.
I want to live my life and be free. I want to do what I want to do, and I feel like dedicating myself to god is making me miss out on my life…if that makes sense?
As for my insecurities, I have absolutely no clue what to do. I feel like I am just the ugliest person in the world and it is really making me sad. I think it’s because I’m being so harsh to myself and thinking so negatively about EVERYTHING. I really need to stop. I feel like I am transforming into some monster and I don’t want to.
I have alot of things that I need to improve about myself.
I think I am going to start being more active in Church and start improving the way I act, and the way I think about things. I really need to. I have so many people that look up to me and acting horrible is probably letting them down tremendously and making them think that I’m Hypocritical and that I’m some person i’m not. . I think I want to be the negative person I want to be because society is brainwashing me into thinking that if I’m a christian, I am wierd or “Uncool”. I tend to care alot about what people think of me which isn’t good at all. I really need to get out of that habit and stop living my life for others and live my life how I want to live it.
I made a list of all of the things that I absolutely hate about myself, some constructive as well as inconstructive things. The inconstructive things I am going to attempt to become more confident about because I’m stuck with them and theres no changing them.
Things I Hate About Me:
I really need to work on making these things better, and/or becoming more confident about them.
Through the next few months I am going to try to do this