What is love? Is it just something that you say to a person that you like? Do you actually mean it when you say it to someone?
I recently found myself in this situation.
I was so excited to turn sixteen in July, because I knew that I would be allowed to start dating. I was so very thrilled that I was actually going to be able to take another step in my life.
My very good friend and I started going on dates, but we didn’t want to make our “relationship” official. In this case, Because he was getting ready for college, and I just in highschool.
Our first date, was a double date. We had went to the movies and to dinner, and I felt on top of the world. I felt so grown up, and felt that I had gained more responsibility. Not only did I feel a since of pride, but my feelings for this guy began to increase as well.
At the end of the night, I was the happiest girl in the world.
Then, the time came where summer was over. Fall stepped in to invite a season of sadness. He had left for college.
We texted daily, and even though he was no longer close, our feelings, and our relationship began to get more close, and more strong. I had began feeling, feelings for him that I have never felt about anyone.
His first break was in october, and we had planned a date. I had waited weeks, and weeks for this date. I was so excited. We were going to have dinner at a friends, and then go to the Football game at the highschool.
I got home from school, changed clothes, and then headed off to my friends house to help her prepare for the dinner. As time began to fade away until his arrival, my heart started beating faster. I was so nervous!!
And..There it was. His red car pulling into the driveway!! my face turned red, I don’t know why. I could not beleive how nervous i was. There he was…He got out of his car walked up to the house and knock..knock..knock! I hesitated before i opened the door and tried to calm down.
I opened the door, and there he stood, Tall, long hair, and just a bit of facial hair covering his chin. He looked older from the last time i had saw him Before i knew it he had me in the biggest bear hug ever!!
My emotions, and feelings began to race.
dinner went by swiftly. We ate, and then thanked my friends for the dinner and headed off to the football game.
After the game, we went to the park to go stargazing.
There he said it. The three words that made me feel..so..happy..but unsure about the situation that i was getting myself into.
The way he said it was so sweet.
This is what he said to me. I remember the words exactly.
“You are so beautiful. I’m not just talking about your beautiful eyes, your beautiful flowing hair, your beautiful smile, and your all around stunning appearance. I’m talking about your beautiful personality. You are so attractive inside and outside. I like everything about you. Your randomness, your seriousness, your laugh, your humor, everything!! And in this, I can no longer say that I like you..But Hollie, I love you.“
You can see how this completely took over my heart. I didn’t know what else to say but the same in return.
I classified this night as the best night of my life.
As the night passed away, I began to think more and more about the words he had said to me, as well as the words I said in return. We began a relationship.
I have always told myself that whenever I fell in love, I would know. So why was i doubting so hard? Was it because God was trying to warn me that I was going to end up getting hurt? This is when I realized that Maybe I had said the wrong thing, and maybe us starting a relationship now was spoiling something that could happen in the future.
But still, I kept pushing harder and harder, as well as he was pushing harder and harder for deeper intimacy and a more serious relationship. We nurtured this love..this doubtful love when it just needed to be ended.
This past week, he had came home for thanksgiving break. I had been looking foward to this for so long, but it ended up being the worst week of my life. We ended up getting to close to quickly, even though we knew our relationship was not going to last. Two days later, we ended breaking off everything, and my world was devistated. Not only with regret, but with shamefulness.
In this, I realized that the only “True Love” is God’s love. God is the only one that will always be there in my life. God loves me no matter what I do, and nothing could ever break his love. I am proud that we took responsibilty and broke everything off before it carried any further.
I am also very happy that this didn’t ruin our friendship. Do I love him? Yes, I beleive I do, But not a love that needs to turn into something serious right now. I’m not ready for a serious relationship.
Who knows what the future holds for us!! But right now, We are doing what is best for both of us! (=